I often left events feeling drained with an introvert hangover the next day. Not knowing where to begin when it comes to small talk is a fast-track to immediately feeling awkward. When you’ve just met someone, you can ask them open-ended questions and wait for their answers, roughly 2/3 of the time.
- We keep shaking, safely and forever, because the surface is warm and predictable and nobody gets hurt up there.
- One person shares something a little vulnerable, the other meets them with something of their own, and the trust ratchets up a notch at a time.
- Carrie Ashfield worked as a real estate executive for 20+ years.
- But meeting him was a great reminder of how much power we have to move past small talk quickly — and get to the good stuff.
- Here’s an example, “What were you up to this weekend?
Rather than asking questions aimed at finding a particular answer, try to look for the other person’s stories. Even topics that are typically “small talk” can become meaningful if you can relate them to society in general. This can be a great way to make a conversation deeper without having to change the subject.
Try These 7 Conversation Openers
In fact, from a young age we are told that strangers are dangerous (“stranger danger”) and should be avoided. Going into any situation with judgments about how pointless or agonizing it will be automatically influences your attitude and how you show up. If you enter a networking event focused on how much you hate chatting, then guess what? The event will likely feel excruciating 20 minutes in.
Deep Conversation Is About Quality, Not Serious Topics
To this day, I still occasionally text him updates about my life. So next time you’re tempted to stay on the surface, take a step deeper. You might be surprised where the conversation takes you. The aim isn’t to make every conversation deep, but to recognise when depth is possible and take that opportunity when the moment feels right. You ask deeper questions, seeking to explore this topic from different sides.
To close it, you must decisively choose to treat what is casual as purposeful, and what seems optional as integral. The first minutes of a conversation become your most important minutes—not because you talk about everything in them, but because you set the relational tone from which everything else unfolds. When you adopt the perspective that the opening matters, it changes your behavior. You treat those minutes as investment time because virtually every interaction—negotiation, pitch, team meeting—depends on whether your counterpart feels seen, comfortable, and engaged. Believe Youragemeets me, though, I have used those exact questions, almost word for word, countless times. Almost inevitably, I get to an interesting conversation topic based off of how well the person’s day is going.
Show that you’re interested in the other person by noticing things about them or their environment and asking about it. Keeping up with current affairs can also make you more interesting and engaged and let you have more intellectual conversations. Just try not to get sucked into “doom scrolling” and a never-ending tide of bad news. For example, if someone starts telling you how much they like the opera (and you don’t), you don’t have to ask about their favorite opera.